I hesitated even sharing this- but I know I should….
I hesitated because of the mental side of shame I have felt this past week along with the physical illness of it.
I hesitated because I feel judged- even by those closest to me.
I hesitated because I am human.
I got sick about 11 days ago. It got worse quick, I got tested, (sat in line in my car for FOUR hours and got tested). It came back positive a few days a later.
I had been around too many people in the days prior. Where did I get it? What did I do to deserve it? I have an autoimmune disease…. what if I end up in the hospital? I have heard it gets progressively worse.
How do i tell my clients? My work? My family? My pregnant best friend I was just with two days ago? Do I tell them? Maybe the test is wrong…. What about my father in law that has diabetes, COPD and heart disease?? I saw him a few days ago. I had a headache that day…. why did I go to dinner if I did??
All of these things were going through my head.
At first I wanted to just believe I had a bad sinus infection. My husband wanted me to just be overreacting – but I knew it was more. We had our nieces staying with us- thankfully I stayed away most of the time and sprayed all the things multiple times a day with medical grade hospital cleaner…. but did that work? I mean they had to fly back to Arizona in a few days what if they get sick or infect others???
The guilt- the questions – the unknown- that is what has been the hardest part.
The physical side of it – The First Days
I started feeling sick in the afternoon – I wanted to just tell myself it was a sinus infection – maybe an RA flare that was making me feel the aches and pains like fevers do. Then I took my temperature. I never run fevers – hell I typically am around 97ish not even 98 but that is for another day…. It read 99.7…. yup something is wrong. So I try to get a virtual appointment to get a test- got one, someone would call me after to schedule the test…. have yet to get that call 12 days later. I saw the next day I could get a free test at a church so i went,,, along with 300 others in their cars. We were literally blocked in- if you wanted to leave it was not happening so you just had to sit….. and wait.
One positive though is I think since I was toward the tail end I got my results quicker, so that Sunday night as we were sitting on the couch I got a text … and Chad instantly moved to the other side of the couch. I then instantly moved into the guest room.
That day I had a migraine from hell, I laid in bed all day – still had the slight fever, and body and muscle aches, but the headache and nausea was the worst part….
On top of all of that now I had to think about the next morning how was I going to tell people? Should I tell people? Of course I should but I was scared.
I told my boss and doctor and everyone I worked with- they were all so kind that was a HUGE blessing. Then I had to tell others – sent messages and emails – lots of “hope you get better soon” but that was it…. then I see mass emails go out and I start to feel like I have the plague, I am the leper but Jesus is no where to be found to heal me in this moment.. but I know he is with me and I am learning something through this.
When my best friend (who is pregnant) said she had to leave the store she was in because she started crying hysterically because of (me) … gut punch is all I could feel. She has every right to be scared I mean hell shes pregnant and we know NOTHING about what this ultimately can do to pregnant women.
Then there are my clients – thank goodness I was not around a lot of them the week prior some were traveling and a lot are still doing virtual. That right there I am thankful for. Still telling them was hard, silence from some but then kindness but then I am also second guessing everything. Feeling guilty because I may be ruining vacations and there Fourth of July’s from unknowns and being around family just because they were around me…. then there is the thought of if they will ever even want to come near me again…. it was all so much on top of feeling like general crap…. no one really talked about this side of it.
The next few days….
Ugh – the headache – it literally makes me not see straight. I felt loopy. I felt dizzy. I felt floaty….. and I have this knot on my forehead too which is weird and it hurts like hell.
But if this is the worst of it- I WILL TAKE IT ALLLLL DAY
That Monday I started having some chest tightness and congestion- that started to worry me, but it never got terrible. I ordered a gazillion things off instacart to help… which they didn’t. The sinus and congestion stuff made me feel sicker, the only thing that seemed to help was peppermint oil and sweating it out through steam. I got vitamin d3 drops and vitamin C powder and started taking a lot of that. Surprisingly it helped.
I couldn’t have coffee anymore it is still even making me nauseas. This makes me very sad lol.
Each day goes on- and thankfully Chad is still ok. Poor guy had his office shut down because of me- so he feels like he has the plague too even though he feels fine. That is killing my super extroverted husband like crazy. Now we are envisioning this coming weekend and the fourth of July. Typically we would be at the lake, but that is surely not happening now.
Come Thursday and Friday we get results that his dad is fine- thank you Jesus! Chad is still waiting on his last two tests he has taken three.
Our friends we were with the weekend before I got sick have now tested positive (three of them) and have the same symptoms as me. Then some have tested negative- so strange as I thought this was so contagious… or are the tests wrong? All these thoughts are annoying. However in a strange way I am thankful these women have it with me even if I may have caught it from them, thankfully we are all generally healthy so it seems to be mild in us.
The Following Weekend – wait I have RA why am I ok?
I got outside in the sun for a little while and OMG it felt SOOOOO good. I cannot even describe how good it felt. And do not worry NO ONE was near me.
I still have the headache. But I am maybe 85% human now.
But what about RA? Aren’t I high risk? I have inflammation….
So my Dr. recommended I get a shot of steroids to help. And I did I think it was Wednesday or Thursday – hell all the days run together. It really did help a decent bit the next day the headache was not as bad and I felt like I could read a book without getting nauseas which made the book nerd in me very happy.
As far as my autoimmune disease- could it be because I have been on hydroxychloriquine for my RA for a while? Could it be because I have been taking ashwagnda and other calming supplements to help decrease cortisol? Who knows – but I am thankful. If I had been diagnosed with this in April I would have been freaking out, but seeing how I feel overall it gives me hope that maybe it is not as bad for everyone (I know some it has hit hard and I am not discrediting that) but in a strange way it gives me hope.
At first – headache, mild fever, aches, pains
Then moved to just a headache and nausea with some stomach upset off and on.
Then some chest tightness and congestion – nothing ever terrible though.
Slight loss of taste and smell around day 6.
Headache and fatigue still present around day 11.
What I took to help
I took Tylenol ( I hate taking it especially because of my liver but it helped the aches and to sleep at night)
I tried Sinus AM and PM stuff from CVS- The PM made me sleep forever (not hating it) the AM made me dizzy and nauseas
I added Vitamin D3 drops and did 5-6 drops 3x a day
I added Vitamin C powder – 1/4 tsp 2x a day in water
I was already on ashwaganda and l theanine for cortisol 2x day
I was already on my ritual vitamins daily
I was already on NAC tabs for my liver 2x a day
I also continued my DNS powder daily
I stopped liquid IV because it was making me nauseas 🙁
I was on hydroxychloriquine for my RA treatment ( I started this about 6 months ago)
I also took my other meds….
(Ps you can find ALL my favorite stuff plus discount codes here.)
So here we are…..
Day who knows what…. and I am feeling a little better –
I got tested again. I need two negative tests to get back to life. The Department of Health has said it can come back positive for a month… prayers please it does not. The woman who did my test yesterday I think touched my brain with the swab so if one is going to be positive it will be that one lol.
I went for a walk yesterday and it was not the easiest sadly. My chest felt tight but it was not undoable even in 90 degree plus heat. Now I slowly start trying to workout again. My body is in the worst shape ever and that alone is another stress. I cannot be a trainer and out of shape. But I am not going to go down that rabbit hole. I will be ok. I will be ok. I will be ok. THIS IS TEMPORARY. Right?
Overall I am thankful like I have said. I have a few people I can be with because we have had it together but still I can see how the loneliness can get to people.
I pray none of you reading this get it, and if so get it worse than what I have had. I don’t get this virus or what is happening in our world, but I know something is happening to get our attention. I am changed because of it, I hope you are too in a good way that is.
As always I will keep you updated on any changes- stay healthy yall, wear your masks and don;’t make stupid decisions.
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